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Sonbahar Hastası | mecaziyasam

Sonbahar Hastası


Her yıl aynı sıkıntıyı yaşıyorum. Alışamadım, alışamıyorum. Kış mevsimini yaza oranla daha fazla sevmeme rağmen sonbaharlarda daha fazla zorlanıyorum. Aslında yazının ismi “Eylül Hastası” olacaktı ama yine geciktirdim yazıyı. Sorun şu ki bu eylül ayı acaip moralimi bozup bütün enerjimi tüketiyor. Aslında bir ucu günlük-güneşlik, diğer ucu kar-kış olan eylül ayının en önemli görevi denizaltılardaki yada uzay üslerindeki basınç dengeleme odaları gibi bizi en sağlıklı bir şekilde kışa doğru taşımak. Lakin tabanı kayan terliklerimle kuru bir zeminden ıslak olan bir yere adım attıgımda nasıl tedirgin oluyorsam bu günler geldiğinde de aynı şeyi yaşıyorum ben.
Babamla paylaştım bu durumumu hafta başında. Aldığım cevap kendi adıma şaşırtıcıydı. “Sonbahar hüzünlüdür oğlum. Nası hissetmeyi bekliyordun ki?” dedi babam. Haklıydı da. Hem haklı, Hem de net. Evde bütün pencerelerin kapatıldığı, hava almak için dışarılara çıkmanın zorunlu olduğu, ama sağlam giyinmezsek de hasta olma tehlikesiyle yüzleşebileceğimiz günlerdeyiz artık. Yoksa siz tehlikenin farkında değilmisiniz? :=)
Tam bu moddayken dedim ki şu vefasız günlüğüm biraz bana sırdaş olsun da derdimi anlatayım. Beni rahatsız eden olay ise şu:
Yaz boyunca koca evde sabit bir yatağım olmadı. Aslında bir odam ve yatağım var evet ama kullanmadım. Çünkü çok fazla zaman geçirmeyince insan odasına da yabancılaşabiliyor. Hem malum yaz günü dört duvar arası çok sıcak olduğu için aldım sırtıma bir sünger döşek bi gün terasta, bi gün balkonda, bazen salondaki kanepede, bazen de uykum nerede geldiyse salıverdim kendimi uykunun kollarına. Bu kaplumbağa tarzı yaşam da hoşuma gidiyordu, yalan yok. Kediler de aynı şeyi yapıyor mesela. Serin buldukları yere sabitliyorlar kendilerini. Bende öyle yaptım uzun bi süre.
Günler ilerledikçe ise şöyle bi durum ortaya çıktı. Önce terasta üzerimize bişeyler almadan yatamaz olduk. bastıran ayaza dayanamadığımız bir gün balkona indik, ordan evin salonuna gittik, derken pencerelerini kapattığımız odalarımıza geri döndük. Seçeneklerimiz azaldı ve sonunda bir yorganın altına mahkum olacağız. Bir gecede iki-üç kez yerimi, yatağımı değiştirdiğim, terasta gökyüzünü izleyip müzik dinlediğim günleri özleyeceğim tabi ki.
Sıradaki aşamaları da biliyorum aslında. Hergün daha kalın kıyafetlerimizi çıkaracağız dolabımızdan. Yazlıkları en dibe koyacağız artık. Kış etkisini hissettirdikçe hasta olacağız. Belki limonun iyileştiremeyeceği kadar kötü hasta olup salya-sümük içinde yataklara düşeceğiz… Önümüzde yaşanacak nice sıkıntılı, nice güzel günler var.
Bu şekilde daha kıyısına, köşesine bile dokunulmamış bir hayat önümde uzanmış beklerken karamsar değilim tabi ki ama bazen bu mevsim döngüleri az önce de bahsettiğim gibi insanı kırgın yapabiliyor. Hepsi bu.